Why I’m Done Being Just A Mom

I remember one day shortly after we brought our daughter Adalyn home from the NICU sitting in the bed and thinking…now what?

I had spent 70 long days in the hospital with her fighting battles left and right. I had become numb to the every day monitor checks, scans, blood work, and everything else that came with having a baby born too soon. But now what?

I was alone. My husband was working. My oldest daughter was home for the summer and just happy to be around me and her baby sister. I went from being a full time employee at an amazing job who had clients to visit, charts to update, meetings to attend, to being just a mom.

Now for as long as I can remember, I’ve always been busy (insert future post about battling anxiety). As soon as I was old enough for a work permit, I got a job. Working and school was all I knew. It kept my mind at ease always having something to do. Add having my first child while I was just a sophomore in college to the mix, I got even busier. But for the first time ever, I was just a mom. No fancy caseworker title, no full time student. Just mom.

I had no clue what I was doing

I clearly recall telling myself, “Meisha this is your job now, to take care of these girls”. And while this was a huge adjustment for me, I put on my big girl panties , started looking up a bunch of stay at home mom tools and got to work.

I laid out movie days for Alonnah (my oldest) and I . Started a laundry schedule for the house. Looked up Pinterest worthy recipes to surprise my husband with for dinner. Purchased a cute little hand calendar to document all of Addy’s upcoming appointments and fully devoted all my time to motherhood.

The ugly truth is, this got really old really fast.

Don’t get me wrong, motherhood is the most amazing gift I’ve ever received, but it was exhausting! Mentally day by day I struggled more and more to stay “on track” with my imaginary mandatory schedule. Finally one day, I’m not sure when or how, but I realized that I had lost myself in the process.

You see, no one tells you the very first rule of motherhood. It’s like a hidden treasure you discover on your own somewhere between “I haven’t showered in two days” and “did I eat today?”

It’s Self-care

I had to learn that I am NOTHING if I am not taken care of. Mentally, Physically, Spirituality. I had this idea in my mind that being a good mommy meant unmanicured nails, the same yoga pants all week, and always being too tired for company. I was basing my standards of how good of a parent I was on how much of myself I could relentlessly sacrifice.

I had it all wrong.

Being the best mother I can be means being the best me I can be. It’s putting the feelings of guilt aside and going out to lunch with girlfriends. It’s overcoming feelings of shame when the voice in my head whispers “I can’t wait for them to just go to bed”. It’s knowing that I have every right to take a shower and not rush to get out because I hear someone crying and trusting that my partner can handle it. Sometimes it’s even having that glass of wine and quiet time after everyone else is tucked in. It’s letting go of the idea that I can do it all and never burn out.

Look at it this way, In an airplane, you’re instructed to put on your oxygen mask first before helping anyone else. You have to practice this in your home life too. I know all of this is easier said than done but just try. We’re all in the beautiful madness of motherhood together. You are not alone in this and you do deserve to take care of you.

You are needed. You matter. Your self-care is utterly important.

So I want you to go ahead and schedule that date night you’ve been too ashamed to follow through with

Lay on the couch and watch your favorite movie with your favorite drink and unwind

Take that girls trip your friends have been pressuring you about because they miss you too

Do whatever it is that reminds you that you’re done being just a mom.